Exciting And Interesting Today, Lame And Apple Pie Tomorrow

By: Sneakers O'Toole | August 26th, 2009

Remember when Megan Foxx (yes, two X’s for some reason, although it depends on the source which way it is spelled) was hot? When she was in the first Transformers movie, and we didn’t pass judgement when she did the clichéd ass sticking out gesture when she popped the hood of Sam (Shia LaBeouf)’s old and busted car?

Those were exciting times. It was so new and different. Those eyes, that hair, and her body made every guy, and some women, drool. It was great.

Everyone hit the Google homepage after they saw Transformers. “Who the hell was that? Damn. Who is Megan Foxx?…Oh, Google Images, I love you.” Then you actually clicked some of the links Google suggested which enlightened you on all things Megan Fox(x), and it all came crashing down.

“IMDB says that she is engaged to a man who is twice her age.” Fail
“Oh cool, she gets tattoos because she thinks no one else in the world has them.” Fail
“Speaking of tattoos, this site says she has a bullseye as a tramp stamp.” Mega Fail
“…Along with random sentences on her body and Marilyn Monroe on her forearm.” Meh

Ick. In the words of Charles Barkley, that’s turrible.

And when Megan Fox(x)’s first contribution to Transformers 2 was her sticking her ass out in cutoff jean shorts while painting a devil girl on her motorcycle, we all gagged. I find myself equating Megan Fox(x) to a certain game.

No…I’m not talking about Madden 10. I still love it; It’s so damned realistic…awesome. I’m talking about one of FIFA 09’s most lauded features: The do whatever the hell you want for a goal celebration feature. Bad example? Maybe…

At first it was as awesome idea. Run around. Do whatever the hell you want after you score. Anelka’s bird thing? You’ve got it. Robot? Check. The simple but emphatic Trezeguet uppercut? Done. Just hold LB and spin the right stick 18 times.

It took one exhausting, last second goal for me to realize I didn’t like this feature, just like it took the fact that Mizz Fox(x) gets tattoos to express her individualism in a society where it’s not taboo anymore for me to say, “No thanks” to that particular actress. I was pressing all game in an ECL game and I finally broke through the last line and scored after 10 minutes of Barca-like attacking while the other team played Scotland-like bunkerball. I didn’t want to do my own celebration. Just let David Silva do whatever it is that he does. Nothing is better than scoring goals. It’s an act that can’t be followed, so don’t try, EA.

Not convinced? Well,

That is all.