Ronaldo Livid Over FIFA 10 Valuations

By: Sneakers O'Toole | July 31st, 2009

Ronaldo, as one of the top players in the world, has connections that ordinary people don’t have. One of those connections is a man on the inside in EA Sports who has reportedly informed Ronaldo of his rating in the upcoming FIFA installment.

The reigning world footballer of the year was irate to find out that his rating is 91, and he will reportedly be seeking legal action once he has gone to Miss Cleo for direction. Cristiano Ronaldo, who was named after former president Ronaldo Reagan, refused to talk directly to reporters, but the buzz in the tanning salons is that Ronaldo was annoyed by another set of haters, but what made him boil over was the first screenshot he saw of FIFA’s portrayal of him.

“He was like totally pissed that his player’s hair wasn’t too spiky. We have to spend a lot of time gelling it how we like. When game developers don’t make it look as cool as it is in real life, that’s like punching you in the rock hard, bronzed abs.” Vinny, a regular patron at one of the many tanning salons Ronaldo is known to visit, proclaimed as he was getting his eyebrows waxed.

Ronaldo was recently seen coming out of a hair salon in Madrid with a cart-load of hair glue, gel, and other products meant to take one’s spikiness to the next level.

Lionel Messi, playmaker for the reigning European champions, has been given a 97 rating. Ronaldo’s temmate, Kaka, has been rated 93 by EA. Both Messi and Kaka also had hair that was not particularly spiky. However, neither player is reported to feel insulted by their lack of spikeitude.

Perhaps the most surprising of all of the ratings in FIFA 10 is that of Simone Loria who, against all odds, cracked double digits with a rating of 16.2. Loria can be found on the roster for recently relegated Italian side Torino. Torino will reportedly be spotted two goals for every game as a handicap for having Loria on the roster.

Gary Patterson, creative director for FIFA 10, has released a statement in response to the recent uproar.
“Electronic Arts stands by all of the ratings that have been set for the upcoming edition of its FIFA franchise. We stand by Messi’s, Ronaldo’s, and Loria’s ratings. We have also spent months developing our hair realism feature, our most glorious concept yet, and the level of spikiness involved in Ronaldo’s portrayal is on point.”

Just kidding (duh). It’s eerily realistic though, isn’t it?

The actual story is courtesy of Frank Gasper at Bleacher report. TJ who’s-your-momma, wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks, was apparently up-in-arms about his 91 rating. 91 is actually pretty generous all things considered. Be happy, broseph.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/222105-houshmandzadeh-upset-about-madden-10-rating

Are you guys game for a Madden pre/review? If I get some interest I will put one up.