We’re All Suckers

Save the shameless self promotion put forth by Hulu and replace Mapple with any sports video game (not titled FIFA 10), and you’ve got us goofs in our virtual sports worlds. The most glaring, money-burning example hits stores on Tuesday.

And the winner is…Madden! Yay!

We suckerrinos march to the stores and clean out any shelf that has a label that could rhyme with Madden, Tinactin, or Turducken. No matter how much of a glorified roster update the game is from the previous installment, we blindly purchase.

FIFA, PES, Madden, NCAA Football…we’ve gotta have the newest version, and it really doesn’t matter how good the replay quality is if we get sexually excited by the opening cinematics.

Exhibit A (the only exhibit I will use):

There’s nothing amazing that this video shows. Nothing new. It’s just a new view of the same thing. The new playcalling format that they’ve reportedly worked endlessly on just means that none of the simple bugs and tiny nuances will have been fixed. Madden will still crush in sales because we just want the shinest, purdiest there is to be had. While I may stray a little from the Maddenist path and not buy the game right away, I’ll get it and still complain about how they did nothing but re-release the version from the previous year with a shinier cover. So goes life. We’re all big tools who are satisfied with the mediocre as long as it’s shiny.

Madden will have cool cinematics and a new play-calling system, but it’s ultimately the same. FIFA will have personality + and the option to upload your team’s chants and intro’s into the game, but the differences will be minor.

NCAA football hasn’t changed their product in five years, and while there have been several Call of Duty games in the same format, for some reason Modern Warfare 2 totally blew everyone’s mind for reasons scientists can’t explain.

On a related note, PES looks to have a massive makeover this year. I’m excited for that, but everything else I will play for the achievement points.

Category: News